In the past I have let that struggle consume me and affect my life and relationships. Over time, I have learned to take responsibility for that experience I was going through and do what I could to help my journey (and those closest to me, let’s be real). It always starts with checking my vitamin intake. No matter how much I tell myself those little choking hazards don’t do anything, I can not deny how different I feel when I am consistent with taking them.

Second step to getting out of that struggle, or at least moving through it well is constant prayer. Daily (multiplied) time on my knees, physically or mentally. This last week has been particularly wrought with prayer. This looks like me closing my eyes for a moment, or at least my mental eyes to focus on quiet and hearing from the Lord. Closing physical eyes while driving is not recommended. I often begin with asking for our savior to show me a safe and peaceful place where I can rest. He is so faithful in revealing exactly what my heart needs in that moment.

This practice of going to the Lord to find peace and safety has changed my life more than I can express in this post. I often receive an image of a beautiful place filled with wonder. Lately it has been our woods. Other times it has been an obscure beach, a field with a wall of wisteria, a grassy hill under a large green tree with a stream running through, by or underneath a waterfall. Just these images have done wonders for my soul, breathing in deep these gifts God gives me in moments of chaos.

People can’t imagine, dream, or find and nurture wonder in their lives well when they are without safety. If we are swirling in the chaos of our lives, and more likely our minds, it is easy to forget there is a safe place always available to us because the Lord is always with us. He is our refuge and “EVER-PRESENT” help in time of need. Praise the Lord.

There is much more to the daily prayer habits that the Lord has given me to implement in this precious life, that have changed everything. I will share more in a future post. In the meantime, I will continue reaching out to Him who is the prince of peace, instead of focusing on the plates dropping, the swirl and chaos of responsibilities, missing some writing days, and struggling through February.

Beyond this celebration, I am at a loss for words, so I will leave it at that. Thank you Lord for our health, joy, and family that we are allowed to steward in this life you have blessed us with.

I always felt a special connection to February, since it has always been my birth month. Do most people feel that way with the month they were born in? I always thought the name was a bit romantic, maybe because Valentine’s Day also is in February? It’s definitely lost its romance after researching its origins.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people where we live get sad this time of year. They lose their motivation towards the goal they started with strong at the new year, or lose steam in their homeschool. This could be for many reasons. Valentine’s day may be a reminder of the lack of love in their lives. Probably more realistically this is due to the lack of sun in their lives, as it is the middle of winter. Vitamin D supplements have been a big life saver for me in this regard. I wonder too if there’s some spiritual element of our souls lamenting the origins of this month.

My research also revealed that February used to be the last month of the year in the Roman calendar. So the people would cleanse themselves of their sins before jumping into a new year on March first. How fascinating that people still try to reinvent themselves at the new year, even though the day has been different for over two thousand years.

Having a birthday in this month, it’s kind of like a new year is beginning in my life. Since it’s my 38th birthday later this month, I will begin my 39th year, my 39th lap around the sun. Boy am I grateful for each one. The older people get, it seems the less they desire to acknowledge their age or celebrate that number, but what a gift each year is. This becomes more evident with each passing year. The more devastation I see, the more life becomes precious. The more I realize time is finite, the more I desire to celebrate the little things each day offers.

Tonight I stayed up late with my middle precious angel of a daughter. She saw her brother staying up late last night as he sometimes asks to do, so we offered a turn for her to have some quality time late into the night. She helped me wrap presents for our youngest and decorate the house for her birthday coming up. What interesting conversations arise when you make time for one-on-one discussion with your children. So very grateful for that sweet time with her this evening. What a beautiful way to start off our February, the ending of a year in my life and the beginning of a new lap around the sun.

There’s something about the air when there’s frost outside. It’s as if the cold comes in through your inhale and creeps through your veins to the tips of your fingers. It can be a bit uncomfortable to breathe in and endure the extremities becoming numb. Such beauty comes from such bitter cold. Life is often like that, isn’t it? Some of the most beautiful moments come from the most bitter experiences.

This morning, our dear son woke up a bit late when he didn’t rise at his first alarm, which made the morning feel rushed and hurried. I had a moment to take a few deep breaths in our car as I sat waiting for him to emerge ready to conquer the day. We needed a few minutes to warm up the car anyway, I told myself, since the window was covered with frost. Instead of the whole windshield frosted over though, there were beautiful designs strewn across the glass. It was my little gift this morning in all the rush. There are so many moments like that I often miss in my hurry or frustration. It’s exciting to think of how many more we can experience if we pause in the hurry and just look around us. Jesus is always with us, giving us sweet gifts of beauty in His creation.

Our pastor got up and talked about how grateful he was. This wasn’t what got me though, It wasn’t until the final song…

… I love You, Lord
For Your mercy never fails me
All my days, I’ve been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

… And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

… I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
In the darkest night
You are close like no other
I’ve known You as a Father
I’ve known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God (yeah)

… And all my life You have been faithful (oh)
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God (yeah)

… ‘Cause Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me
Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me
With my life laid down
I’m surrendered now
I give You everything
‘Cause Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me (oh-oh)

… ‘Cause Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me
Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me
With my life laid down
I’m surrendered now
I give You everything
‘Cause Your goodness is running after
It keeps running after me

… And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God
(I’m gonna sing, I’m gonna sing)

… ‘Cause all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God
Oh, I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God

This song always gets me. God has been so faithful through my whole life. It’s easy to look back and see his intricate weaving of protection, provision and favor like only He can give. During this song, they played a slow motion black and white video of baptisms over the last year. Our youngest was in the video along with some of our dearest friends and kids from our homeschool group that I lead. This visual along with the words of the song gutted me. I lost it. Tears began freely flowing in the middle of the song surrounded by everyone in the church. It was so breathtaking to be reminded of how good we have it. Our children love the Lord. What more could we ask for?! We are surrounded by dear people who also have children that love the Lord! The richness of community, fellowship and love is impossible to describe.

Among all of the chaos, to-do lists, and overwhelm, I often lose sight of the whole point of this crazy thing we call life. I say it a lot, but my heart often isn’t paying attention as it swirls in the chaos I fill my brain with. A wave of peace washed over my weary heart as I absorbed the gratitude that surrounded me for this incredible life God has given us. Praise the Lord Almighty!

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Ed Cash / Brian Mark Johnson / Jenn Louise Johnson / Ben David Fielding

Goodness of God lyrics © So Essential Tunes, Capitol Cmg Paragon, Bethel Music Publishing, Shout! Music Publishing Australia

I did a quick search to see if there was a word in our incredible language that described such an event. People have used the word dappled to describe sun shining through trees, how it lands, dappled on the forest floor. That word isn’t lovely enough to describe that in my opinion. In Japanese, komorebi describes this experience a bit better. The english language doesn’t have an adequate translation for this word. It roughly translates to when the sunlight shines through the leaves of trees, or the scattered light that filters through when sunlight shines through trees. It alludes to the feeling of this experience.

Where we live in the world, sunshine in January is a gift from the Lord. Standing there at the top of the hill, with my winter coat and hat on, gloves failing to keep my hands warm, I decided to stop what I was doing and close my eyes. I faced the sunlight directly to absorb that brief moment of wonder. There was a moment of actual warmth as the sun’s rays soaked into my cold face. In a hurried world that is busy and tired, absorbing that moment when the light shines through the trees can make all the difference.

There are so many methods, books, ideologies about how to build habits in one’s life. It has been a struggle in mine regardless of how many books or talks I listen to on the subject matter. I’ve heard it said that it takes 21 days to build a habit. I’ve also heard it said that it takes 90 days. So whether 21 or 90, I think a lot of times, habits come out of our heart conditions. Luke 6:45 says “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil person out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart,” NASB.

This reminds me of fruit, ie., the fruit of the spirit. The heart condition is the soil that the fruit of our life grows out of. If our life is hectic and chaotic, can we have great habits? Can we bring forth good fruit? We can strive to make things happen, but can we really try hard enough to make a plant produce good fruit, or does that come from the life only God can give?

That thought brings me back to my word of the year, integrity. Where is my integrity in my not so desirable habits? This journey of life sure has a way of bringing you to your knees and needing complete dependency on the Lord. Praise the Lord he is always faithful, always truthful, alway good. He is perfect in every way, including His habits.

It never ceases to amaze me, the intricacy of creation that bears so much of our Creator’s image. Is this a broken record yet? Today was community day for our kid’s homeschool. These days often wipe me out with organizing and running around the building all day, leaving me with very little left at the end of the day to share. The families though. What a gift it is to do life with each and every one of them. It feels sacred, the intricate beauty of each one, bearing the image of our Creator. Thank you Lord for the privilege of community.

Yet Jesus has told us to not be burdened by this world. Jesus shared in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Praise the Lord that He doesn’t intend for us to live flurried lives. He intends for us to walk in his fruit of peace, with light burdens and adequate rest for our souls. Inhale…. exhale… That relationship is the only thing that calms the storm and brings peace to the chaos. What a wonder to have a solution to flurry. Abiding in Him makes it well with my soul.

The picture displayed for this post is a shot I took yesterday of the bridge that leads to our property. This view, has captured my wonder since the first time I saw it. It’s not entirely beautiful with the cement pilings bordering each side of the road, but there’s something remarkable about a road lined with overhanging branches.

Yesterday we were at the property until dusk as we were working on measuring and nailing down exactly where the home will be constructed. The girls and I headed to the car early as the boys stayed for “15 more minutes” of shooting each other with air-soft guns, a new favorite sport for the men in our family. Our toes and fingers ached with the cold that had slowly crept into our beloved woods. With the cold came a light dusting of fog. It ever so gently made its way through the trees to us and when we got to the road, we could see it had risen more clearly.

This view of the fog over our dear bridge, caught our breath. The wonder welled up inside of all three of us. We took a moment to breathe deep God’s beauty displayed in something so simple, beautiful, and mysterious as fog.